Nolan was measured a couple times through out our pregnancy and was always in the 48-53 percentile for size. Then when he was born we discovered he was a large baby. Not record breaking by any means, but I am a 5 foot tall person weighing in at 109 lbs pre-baby and I had a 8lb 12.6oz baby–a 92 percentile baby. To put it the most eloquently, he caused some damage on his way out–which took almost 3 hours of pushing.
Stella was being monitored for uterine growth restriction, so we thought she would be a tiny little thing. She was measuring in the 1-3 percentile–and came out at 7lbs 3oz a completely average 50 percentile baby. Totally manageable.
I am very anxious to have another baby Nolan size. It would wreak havoc on my body on its way out; Not that its pretty, tight, or in good shape anyway, but I am talking could need reconstructive surgery damage. I mentioned this fear to my doctor who agrees. Therefore, we are going to closely monitor this baby’s size. That being said, we had our ultrasound on Wednesday.
I would really really like to go into labor by myself to a manageable sized baby, but that may not be in the cards for us. The ultrasound will give us a better idea of size and if waiting to go into labor on my own is a safe choice. I was induced with Stella (for her heart related scare) and it went very well. If I could guarantee an induction went like hers, I would not be afraid, but I also know, like every baby, every labor is different. I cannot say it will go smooth and that is scary too. I am hoping the ultrasound gives us some answers and then we can talk with our doctor to see what would be the safest option for us.
The Ultrasound revealed baby is in the 48 percentile. Completely average. That being said, so was Nolan at this point. I am feeling frustrated because we cannot make any decisions on an average sized baby. Baby was stubborn and would not let us get a single photo of baby. I am feeling scared it is going to look like an average percentile and then come out huge again. We spent a lot of money on the ultrasound and it revealed pretty much nothing and we got no picture out of it. They did see a little bit of hair already though! Hair would nice! Basically, I left feeling like we spent a lot of money, got even more nervous and scared, and didn’t even get a picture. Really having a hard time and feeling even more scared for the path ahead.
I think what scares me the most is we have no idea what causes autism. Is it all genetics, meds during pregnancy (Preterm meds, Tylenol, antibiotics), birth experience (3 hours of hitting your head on mom’s pelvic bone every time she pushes), meds on while in labor (strep B), etc. Siblings have a 25% chance of also having autism. Boys are more likely to have autism. I am just really struggling because if it is a boy and everything goes exactly the same as Nolan’s birth, the chance of a second child with autism is higher. Now, if its all in genetics then it already is determined, but I wanted to give this baby as few risks/possible causes as possible to make it as smooth and low risk as possible. Maybe I am just being superstitious, I just know it scares me to have an eerily similar pregnancy (I even had a polar vortex for both!) and expect different results.
The next 10 weeks are going to be filled with a lot of anxiety to see how this labor will go and then 2 years to see how this baby handles it. I am so so scared. I will love this child no matter what I can GUARANTEE that. This is just the mama bear in me wanting to protect and make life as streamlined and easy for my little one as possible. This isn’t a matter of love more or less, but wanting what is best and doing my best to provide the best opportunity for my child in all the ways I can. A mom never stops worrying about her child….we just have a couple more things to add to the worry list.