Yesterday, my non-verbal son went missing

Missing

Yesterday, I lost Nolan. Nolan was upstairs playing, Bryce was napping, and Stella and I were cuddling. Nolan got quiet so we checked him on the monitor and we couldn’t find him. I went upstairs to look and  he wasn’t anywhere. I didn’t panic. He does this. He gets in tight places, he is quiet, he doesn’t respond to his name, and he’s tough to find.

Searching

I look IN the washer and dryer. In closets and other small places in case his underwear got snagged and he was stuck. I checked in all the beds. Nothing.

I went down and looked. Nothing. I knew he didn’t go out – he has “tells” when he does things – and yet when you can’t find him you keep looking.

I yelled outside, searched in all his usual places, searching for his “tells.” Nothing.

I looked inside again. I threw open all the doors so he could come to me as I was calling his name. I went upstairs and searched again. I went downstairs and checked again.  

My doors are open, I am yelling his name over, and over and over. Not scolding yelling but calling him in a loud voice. I was using my normal tone. Noley Boy! Come here! Want a cookie? Nolan Alex, where are you? Nothing.

After this had been going a while – remember all the doors are open – and it is a beautiful day, the neighbors are all working outside, I see the neighbor across the street set down his shovel and casually start looking. I run to the back yard, and see my other neighbor starting to casually look in his yard.

They start calling, I start calling. More neighbors come outside. More yelling, more searching. The woman across the street takes Bryce for me and is chatting with Stella about Disney+. More neighbors coming out, more people looking. “What is he wearing” I think hard. Red was yesterday, today is…..yellow! Yellow life is sweet shirt. I took the tags off this morning. “yellow. And no pants. I gave up on that. He is wearing a yellow t-shirt and no pants.”

I call Alex at work. “I can’t find Nolan.” “He has tells when he goes outside, did you see them?” “No” “Then he has to be inside.” “I know, but I can’t find him. When do I call the police?” “Give it time. Go look, call me back”

I look in all the places. I check in all the rooms with baby proof knob covers. I don’t know if he figured them out today, so better safe than sorry. Not in the basement, not in our master bath. Not in any of the showers.

One neighbor leaves by car. One by motorcycle. One by bike. One on foot. One gets on the phone calling all the other neighbors not outside yet.

Stella is watching Disney+ and I am standing in the garage with all the doors open thinking. What do I try next? Then we hear him. Stella yells, “Mom! I heard Nolan!” “I did, too!” but where is it coming from? Is he far away and the wind carried the sound? Is he in the house like we thought?

I search the neighbors empty pool. Maybe he is just trapped. No. I check the whole house even baby proofed doors again. No.

I call my mom. She lives 2 blocks away. “Mom, I can’t find Nolan. Please come and look on your way.” She leaves (and calls all her local friends, too.)

I call my former neighbor-the wife of the police officer K9 unit. “I can’t find Nolan. When do I call the police?” “Now, hang up with me, call the non-emergency line. Tell them everything. Hang up and call”

I called the police. “I am calling because my 5.5 year old son has autism and is non-verbal and he is missing.” “Give me your address, we will send dispatch and then I will get more information. Ok, they are on their way, call me back at this number if you find him.”

My mom arrives. I ask her to look in the house again with fresh eyes. She goes in the house and begins searching.

I walk to the end of our street, the dead end by the corn field. I mention missing Nolan to the neighbor. He says he will look, I am turning to the field, maybe he was following a bird or something…..

Then I hear it. WE FOUND HIM!

We found him

My mom found him. He was in the house, he was upstairs. Just like I said. Just like I knew he had to be. But when you can’t find him you just keep looking. He was laying on the top of the back of the futon. It must have rocked forward, he fell behind it between the wall and futon, and then it rocked back. He was trapped… but he also likes dark tight spaces so he was very content there. He had just started making some stimming noises when my mom was in there and she pulled him out. He pulls him out and he is just smiling ear to ear.

She yells, “I found him!” but nobody heard because they were all out looking. She leaves him and runs to go find others, we found him! Then the telephone game of yelling, WE FOUND HIM!

I called the police back. We found him!

I called my friend back. We found him! “I know, I was with my husband when he was on the phone with dispatch, coming with the K9 to help search when it was called off.”

He was not found in his yellow shirt….he was found completely naked.

Afterwards

After I found him, I sat in my front yard with him on my lap. We showed the police officer that arrived that we found him. We sat in the front yard while I was holding Nolan, talking about what just happened.

“I met a really nice man over on Dusty! Hes from Texas….I found out when we exchanged numbers in case one of us found him.”

“I went all the way to the park, I wasn’t sure if he recognized that.”

“I turned the opposite way of home when I left your house because there were people all standing in their driveway looking around and when I pulled up they asked if it was about the little missing boy.”

“I pulled up to a couple walking and was about to ask them to search and she said, ‘is this about the little boy in the yellow shirt?’ I didn’t know he was wearing yellow but now I do”

Police Department. “We will keep the fact he has autism and is non-verbal on file so we don’t have to collect all your information if this should happen again and we have quicker dispatch. It will also help us to know that about him in the area.”

Reflection

Yesterday, I lost my son, but he was right where I knew he was at the same time. He didn’t get in the basement or the master bath because we have door locks. He didn’t leave because I was by the doors and I was listening for them. I know his tells and he didn’t have them.

I was worried but not panicking. I knew he was in the house upstairs….but when you can’t find your child you just keep looking. I cried. I was scared, but I knew he had to be in the house.

We have more places to check should he go missing. We know we have good systems for safety in the house. We have amazing neighbors with amazing response time. We have amazing extended neighbors that heard form other neighbors. We don’t live on busy streets so traffic isn’t a huge concern. We got lucky. We are lucky he is ok.

He is totally fine and has no idea panic ensued. He wasn’t scared trapped. He never called out. He didn’t verbally respond to his name. It is very likely he perked up and looked at me each time I was in that room and calling his name…but he can’t verbally tell me. That is scary. That sucks.

Today, I lost my son because he was non-verbal. I lost my son because he could not say “help! I am stuck!” or “I am right here!” or even “WHAT?!” in a snotty tone. That is scary.

I am so glad Nolan is ok. I am so glad he is home. I am so glad I have a neighborhood that has my back. I am feeling scared but grateful. Today, we found my son.