Exhausted and Forever to go

img_4632We have our good days and our bad days.  Bad days leave me in tears, hysterics, and anguish.  They are utterly exhausting physically and emotionally.    Hills, valleys, new therapies, struggles, etc.  You cry, you laugh, you do whatever it takes.  You get emotionally exhausted…only to realize this could very easily be your forever.  Think about that for a second.  Forever.

When a woman gets pregnant, the family begins dreaming and planning of the future.  You know you are successful when they graduate high school, they move out and they begin the adult life. They start the cycle of life again.  When your child is discovered to have a disability or illness, your vision goes away, or at least changes, and you need to look at your new reality.

Some kids with Autism can’t ever develop the skills needed to live on their own. Sure they can dress themselves with one on one instruction, but that involves still being present in their life telling them: now pants, now shirt, etc, etc.  Same goes with the concept of money. Reading. Talking.  Without these skills they cant move out–they cant go and we never pass off that duty.  They will be with you, while you accommodate  and emotionally reel…forever.  Its terrifying.

This doesn’t mean it is impossible. It just means we have no idea.  We get exhausted and we get all the emotions that go with that exhaustion.  Then, we get terrified that these will struggles and and feelings that go with them will last forever.  And then you look at your precious child, and you realize that even if it is forever, you will do it.  You will do it tired, you will do it terrified, and you will do it forever.  The emotions of terror don’t go away, but the emotions of love don’t either–forever.

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