Autism changes the whole family. It changes the dynamic, your new “normal,” your sleep, your time/relationship with other kids, finances, schedules, and more. Because of all these things combined, deciding to have more kids can be a difficult decision.
For me, I have always wanted to be a mom. I have known that my whole life. I weighed all these factors, and decided I am meant to have more kids. This is something I am meant to do and though it will be tough and I have some extra factors on my parenting plate, I am ready and willing to take them on.
Autism is genetic. From my reading, my next child will have 25% chance of having Autism. Stella did not. That means, again, this child has a 25% chance of having autism. Is that scary? Absolutely. Does it deter me from wanting another child to love? No.
This past week of worry, spending the night in the hospital for tests, finding a sitter for Stella and the dogs, packing for everyone, and not sleeping at all really made me scared. Can we do this? HOW are we going to do this? Was this a good idea. Guess what, too late. Ready or not, baby is coming. My faith tells me I don’t know how I am going to manage but I know I am. Its going to be tough, I mean TOUGH. I will cry, I will feel like a failure, and then I will laugh and I will love and I will feel like the best mom ever who is blessed beyond measure.
I do know that this child’s whole early life I will be anxious to watch for signs, worried when they do somethings that “could” mean Autism. I will wait for their second birthday to breathe and know we are going to take what route.
I love my life, I love my children, and I know I have my work cut out for me but no matter what this road looks like, no matter the worry I am going to have along this path, no matter the work it will be, I am ready to keep on momming the best I know how.