Grandpa and Nolan had a special bond. Grandpa used to say he knew Nolan was going to talk. He compared Nolan unable to get the words out of his head to when he had a stroke and he had the words in his head but when he went to talk he could get, “well,” out and that was it. He said he practiced and in time he was able to get the words out of his head to his mouth. He kept saying it will come, it will come. Nolan would usually just smile, squeal, or climb into Grandpa’s lap.
The day Grandpa passed, Nolans language started to grow. It is not a night and day difference, but it is growth. He keeps learning new words, trying new sounds, copy better, initiate language, etc. I genuinely believe, Grandpa is giving Nolan words.
When we got Nolan’s diagnosis, I felt (still feel) sad. I mourned the loss of what could have been. I got angry. I asked why!?!? One thing I tried very hard to do was NOT be mad at God. I am not sure why, but that is never where I went. I thought and reflected on it and I just couldn’t find it in myself to be mad at God. Instead, I prayed for patience, for understanding, and strength. I just kept praying to better me so I can better be all Nolan needs.
I had faith, I held to faith. I asked for more faith. Then, I got an affirmation. God showed me the patience I asked for would pay off. I was patient and in time God showed me that He was there for Nolan–and Grandpa was going to help show me.
I have no idea why we are on this road. I still do not know why we were chosen for this journey, but I am glad that my faith can be restored in faith itself through my loving miracle boy.