4 years

8899739a-88c8-44e1-8d63-75e042a868f3This big amazing boy of ours has turned 4.  He is the most loving boy.  He loves to cuddle and rock.  He also loves to jump and scream, run and jump more, scream and jump more.  He is growing into a big boy I can barely lift anymore, and he is 4.  He is officially 4k age (though we are holding back with an August birthday–this was always the plan even pre-diagnosis).

I just am filled with all this anxiety that we are past early intervention age–and we haven’t intervened nearly as much as I had planned.  I know the earlier and more highly we intervene the better and I know that we have done that.  But at the same time, I know this boy is getting bigger.  He is four, he is getting older and I just don’t feel like he ready for the great big world that is out there.  The world is big. The world is scary.  The world demands more than 15 seconds of attention span, doing more than running and jumping and screaming.

I am working on finding what brings him joy and promoting that, but there is still a point in this world we need to prepare him for.  It is hard, it is scary, and  it is a lot of pressure on a mom–and as an educator mom (of 4k no less) I feel even more pressure.  I am trying to put this pressure I feel aside and take this time to enjoy this amazing 4 year old–and we go though waves of being ok with this and panic, but one thing that never changes, we love this kid with all we have.

I may complain things are hard, I may cry things are hard.  I may have days where I feel down, I feel like a failure, and I feel like I have no idea what I am doing, but one thing that never changes is my (our) love for this kid.  All the pain we feel is out of love for this kid-not disappointment or other negative feelings.  We love him with all we have, we just want whats best.  Nolan Alex is the best boy a family could ask for–but if a manual or a peek inside his point of view was available, we’d gladly take it!  Love you Noley Boy!

Mickey Mouse Birthday Party post is live!

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