All moms understand what it means to be truly busy. They fight the battle of caring for all that is the home, family, and then try to care for themselves with the little they have left. I saw a quote:

“you were a person before you were a mom and that person matters.”

Self care is telling yourself you ARE important, you DO matter, and you CAN take care of yourself.

It is so easy for a mom to lose themselves in their families. They are busy with running the kids, making the kids happy, making and taking to appointments, planning the parties and theme weeks, etc.

Finding time to self care can be tricky. There literally may not be enough hours in a day, they may not work between appointments/schedules, there may be no sitters, and more. The thing is, you HAVE to do it. You have to care about you or you disappear and the old adage:

“if momma aint happy nobody is happy”

comes true. Not in a petty way, but in a

“you can’t pour from an empty cup kind of way”

Enough with the quotes and metaphors, into the goods.

The Basics:

Bodily Functions/Hygiene

We are going to start simple. Going to the bathroom or showering. Some people suggested doing this by themselves is their “me time.” I say getting it done with the kids safe still is a win. Take care of yourself by getting your very basic bodily functions and hygiene in.

Feeding Yourself

This may be treating yourself to store bought coffee. It may be letting the baby fuss 3 minutes while you inhale your oatmeal before it gets cold. It can be an elaborate dinner out, it can be take out/delivery, and it could just bouncing the bouncer with your feet while you shove your face so you get the food in your face. I have been so guilty of making the toddler’s meals and then sitting down to nurse the baby and then its 3pm and I haven’t eaten yet. Feed yourself!

Sleep

Sleep. It is important. A brain literally cannot function on no sleep. Try to find time to sleep. Go to bed early, leave the dishes until tomorrow and go to bed, fit in a nap, etc. Find time to sleep. Your brain and your body will thank you for taking the time to sleep and reset.

Necessary Appointments

Self care is not always all the fun stuff, it is literally taking care of yourself. You matter and you are a priority. That means taking the time to make the chiropractor appointment, making the root canal appointment, going to your wellness visits, getting your flu shot. Make the appointments and keep them. Care about yourself. Keep you healthy so you can care for those around you.

Prayer-Working with your higher power

Prayer can be amazing. Prayer and believing there is something else out there to help you through the day to day, the tough, and just all that life throws at you can be what helps you to hang on.

Prayer can come in a silent prayer you say to your self. It can be a prayer/bible study group. It can be a retreat, a prayer journal, or actually making it to church. It doesn’t have to be kids free-it has to be you finding and bonding with the higher power.

I personally find it helpful to also do some personal reflecting. As a special needs mom, “why me, why our family” comes into my mind a lot. Having a book/resource to help me find strength in my faith through all of this has been very helpful. The book Embracing this Special Life by Jenn Soehnlin has been big resource to me.

Give yourself Grace

Affirmations to myself that I am doing it right and I am doing what I can has also helped me feel better as a person. They have allowed me to feel confident, but also taking the time to do so has been some me time.

The Grace Journal by Whitney Sarnowski from her amazing page The Spectrum Compass. has been a great resource to put each day into perspective, give me a checklist (that makes me feel competent when I complete), and allows me to see the good in each day. It makes me feel like a better person and mom. Whitney designed this for special needs moms, but I believe it would be a great tool for any mom when “in the trenches” and needing even just a few minutes for perspective.

Alone or with your kids

Self care does not have to be sans kids to be good for the soul. It can be getting a way that does it for you, it can be doing something you love and finding a way to care for you in front of your kids.

Exercise

As mentioned many times in this post, making sure you are healthy so you can care for others is important. This includes physical health. Exercising is important for a person. It helps them be in shape, take control of their own health, set a positive example to their children for self care, perseverance, and sticking to a goal, and can even have a great impact on one’s mental health. A quote comes to mind:

Exercise gives you endorphins. Endorphins make you happy. Happy people just don’t shoot their husbands, they just don’t.

Legally Blonde. [Santa Monica, CA] :MGM Home Entertainment, 2006.

While we aren’t worried about you killing your husband, the fact that endorphins come from exercise and endorphins make you happy is a fact. You can be a better mom in a better mental state if you excercise.

It can be a class where you also get accountability and community, it can be a youtube video, a subscription, a gym membership, or even picking up a running habit and taking up marathons. Whatever it is, get up, get moving, get those endorphins.

Have a hobby

Find time to find what you are interested in. Find a hobby-something you love doing, and then find time to do it. Photography, reading, baking, anything. Do some soul searching, some self research and find what you love to do. Then work out time to do it.

Home Spa

Feeling pretty and taken care of does not need to be out of the home. It can be a long bubble bath, a facial mask, painting your nail/toes, playing with new make up ideas, play with your hairstyles. I know, for me, many of my beauty regimens are all done at home, but just trying something new or taking the time to do it for me makes me feel like a new person.

Find a tribe

Finding a tribe can be essential to caring for yourself. Finding a church community, a friend, a group of friends, an online community, anything to allow you to connect, unwind, vent, can allow you to feel like you are a part of something bigger and be going through similar situations.

If an online community is something you find to be helpful, make sure you are going into it with a community approach. Talk to the people who make you feel good. Don’t look at or converse with those who do not. Delete profiles that make you feel less. Don’t use social media to compare because it will suck the life out of you and that can lead to self sabotage instead of self care.

Saying No-not getting dressed

Sometimes the best way to take care of yourself is to say no. Though a tribe can lift you up and help you feel great, always having a place to be and always needing to be ready to go can be draining. Saying no when it is going to be too much, can be good for the soul. Saying no to an even or activity and staying home and staying in your pjs can be self care. Saying no can go a long way for your soul.

Cleaning, Organizing, Minimalizing

For some, stuff being dirty, out of place, or overwhelming can be hard for them. It can make them feel overwhelmed, suffocating, or just stressed in general. Cleaning, organizing, or minimalizing can bring a sense of calm. It can also help to see a concrete before and after of a room or spot in the house allowing you to physically see your accomplishments. Sometimes solid physical proof is what you need to see you are doing something and that in turn makes you feel better as a person.

There was an minimalization before the holidays challenge I participated in recently on HelloJessieMartin’s Instagram. It is available in her highlights.

Alone time

Try to carve out some time to be alone. In the home, and simple. Do you love to bake? See if you can bake alone in the kitchen. Do you love to read? See if you can take 15 minutes to read a day. Just find time to be alone and not have that background noise in a day. Time in the day when your only job is to do what you are doing at that time. Try not to multi-task, but really take the time for you.

Shopping

I want to preface this by saying: BE CAREFUL this doesn’t cause more problems with spending. Shopping can be fun, but make sure you know your budget/limits and stick to it. Your budget may simply be window shopping, it may be redoing a room in the house. It could be wandering down the aisles of target with a list and it may be carelessly seeing what Target tells you you need. What ever it is, it can feel good to shop, but make sure it is NOT something that is going to cause more stress and self sabotage instead of self care.

Extras-Elaborate

I am BY NO MEANS saying the fun, elaborate, and extra stuff should not be a part of your life. If you have the means, I say by all means go for it! I just want to elaborate that you can still love yourself and grow if you don’t have the means (money, time, sitters, etc) to do something elaborate. I want you to do what is good for your soul. Stay in your means and do good for your soul.

Some fun ways to care for yourself that are fun and exciting can include: manicures/pedicure, getting your hair done, massages, dates, sporting events and even vacations.

It doesn’t have to be big and it doesn’t have to be elaborate. It has to be about your and and it has to happen. Take the time you need for your to feel good, feel strong, give yourself grace and keep on keeping on.