Back to school means raw emotions

Oh where to begin with the back to school emotions. They are raw and they are real. I am really struggling with coping this season.

I am sending both my big kids to school in the public schools this year. Stella will be 2 days a week in the afternoons Nolan will be part time ABA (mornings) and part time school (afternoons).

3 year old Stella going into the “Integrated Preschool” as a mentor

The integrated preschool is a program put on by our district. It is a special early childhood room that is for students who have an IEP. Then, for every child that has an IEP, there is a mentor student there to help role model and support the friends’ learning. The mentors are hand picked or in with teacher approval to be sure they would be more of a help than a hinder in the classroom.

Stella has been home with me this whole time and she’s been a support to Nolan and Bryce. She’s beyond ready for her role as mentor student. She takes on a role bigger than herself and she takes it on with excitement and enthusiasm. I’m not ready for my little bean to be gone. I worry that she is taking on such a big role so early. Has she had time to be young and not a care giver? Are we pushing her to grow up faster than she needs to?

I am so excited to see her be with friends. I am excited to see her excited about projects and papers. I am excited to see her grow as a person and academically. I am happy she gets to get out of the house and do something for her. Also, she is really excite about it and has fun learning so I think she really will enjoy the school experience.

5 year old Nolan going into the
4 year old kindergarten

In our state/district, 4 year old kindergarten is really what kindergarten used to be years ago. It is not required school, but it is a giant stepping stone with the new kindergarten expectations. It is required by our state they are in school by the time they are 5-and this 4 year old kindergarten does count. Since Nolan is an August birthday, we decided to hold him back and he will be doing this 4 year old program right after his 5th birthday.

I’m just not ready for Nolan to move out of early childhood and into the grades. I just want one more year to work with him as Nolan improving Nolan. One more year of Nolan based goals. One more year of him being my baby boy. I’m scared. I’m scared of all the things. His identity, his frustration, change, bullying, regression. Boy letting him go-leaving him to standards vs goals is terrifying.

I’m optimistic of friendships, a cousin bond (his cousin is in his class as a mentor student), and growth. I know he is a smart boy with some trouble communicating all he knows. I know he is easily frustrated with repetition when he feels he already knows something-so its him being cheeky vs him being unsure.