Setting boundaries and hearing no

I recently watched Lindsay from Chalk Full of Design on her stories and she discussed setting boundaries for our kid and allowing them to hear the word no. I wanted to elaborate…

Parents don’t want to say no for a variety of reasons. They want their child to know they can do anything. They don’t want to hurt their feelings because they never see them. It’s not hurting anything if they do it. But it matters. I really matters to aiding the child to grow up into a functioning member of the community that also cares for others. It causes them to stop and think how this can affect others as well.

We are entering summer. We are home with the kids and the structure is changing. What a great time to ctrl alt delete (does this age me?) and start a new procedures, standards, and boundaries. With a variety of perspectives, I can explain why it is important for each one.

As a teacher…

As a teacher you want your children to know that they cannot have all they want when they want it. A teacher must divide their attention between a large number of students. They need to set boundaries and expectations. Children are better able to do what is expected if there are clear lines of what is expected. This is all the procedures as well as telling them what is “their job” and what is yours.

They cannot possibly give every student what they need when they need it. They need students to understand that they may need to hear no, or not right now.

Students also need to be able to hear no. What they can do at home may not be safe in a school setting based on numbers. It may not be appropriate for school. It just may not be possible right now. The teacher needs to make A LOT of decisions quickly and when a teacher says no, the child needs to be able to accept that.

When a tantrum happens due to hearing now, it can effect all the children in the class. It can upset sensory sensitive kids. It can make the teacher take their attention off of the group and on one specific student. It can take the time away from teaching academics to the whole to work with this with the single child.

As a special needs parent…

Children with special needs are all different, but we have found that the routine and clear cut expectations help the child to be successful. It allows them to know what is expected and where to go, what to do and not need to have help in that process.

I know that when children are different it can be hard to say no. It can be hard to tell them no-especially not knowing if they completely understand, but it is also very important. I let myself get pushed until a breaking point and then I YELL no. Suddenly, he responds. Duh, he is going to keep doing it unless you tell him no.

As a neuro-typical parent…

Ever feel like you are going insane, like the kids are in control? ARE they in control? One way to take back the home is to take back the control. Set boundaries, set expectations, and tell them no more control. You will decide what keeps them safe, what keeps the house safe, what is best for your the family. You teach them that and tell them that. You then tell them what will happen if they do not follow through. You will need to tell them no if they are not supposed to do that and you will need to give them that consequence.

The Importance

Once you help them know where they belong, they are able to fit in there. Will you have crazy days? Ab-so-freaking-lutely. BUT you will have the processes in place to get control and start again tomorrow.

It is not fun being the rule maker, the enforcer, the consequence giver, the kill-joy, the no? NOPE. But it also helps you to raise a person/people who can accept no. A person that knows that they need to follow rules. They will become responsible. They will show up to work on time, they will do their duties, they will do them.

A parents’ main goal is to raise good humans–go and raise those good humans.