Bryce has been home just over 2 weeks. We are falling into a routine. I genuinely feel the routines and systems I put in place before Bryce got here has helped.

I wanted to provide some tips that may help you to prepare your older siblings for the transition to older siblings and to help aid in their adjustments.

Prepping the kids

One big thing was to really prepare the kids for the fact that baby was coming. Almost every day we said, “When baby comes you have to walk down the stairs all by yourself because I will be holding baby” “When baby comes, you can help mommy by getting the diaper over there and giving it to baby,” “When baby comes home, it might cry. Babies cry and it is ok. Mommy will help baby, its ok.” etc.

Now that baby is here, I catch Stella asking the same things I told her. “I walk down the stairs because you hold Brycey Boy?”

By prepping the kids for baby’s arrival, I feel it did help with the transition.

Independence

One thing I really worked on with the kids, especially in the third trimester, was independence. I basically wanted to be able to do all my helping with one hand. If they could basically do everything independently and if they needed help I could help them with one hand (going with the assumption baby would be in the other hand), then we were good to go.

Playing

I love playing with my kids. I love being able to sit on the floor and help them with a puzzle, help them work on colors with gears, or reading a book, but I also love just watching them play with a baby, the gears, or the dollhouse. I love listening to the conversations. I will take a taste of soup, but then send her back to do more cooking or suggest feeding a baby. By allowing them to interact and feel their play is important but also allowing them to learn to play on their own really helps when I need to nurse or just be busy with baby.

I am also not one to admit when I need to have technology/screen time. We do use the iPad, we do watch movies, and we do have snuggle and movie time. By accepting that sometimes I just need to do that for sanity, has helped with the sanity itself.

Walking into public places/parking lots

Three kids in a parking lot and getting in and out of the car can be a lot–and a scary situation if they are not doing it safe. I really worked and drove this concept home when I had 2 hands to help so when I had only one hand when baby came they would be ok.

Nolan is not a runner, but he his a wanderer. To keep him safe, I have him hold Stella’s hand. By always having them hold hands and respond to hold hands, I can take which ever hand is nearest to me and they hold each other and we all train into a place safely. This has been KEY in keeping them safe and allowing me to use my other hand hold the carseat.

Getting out the door

I cannot possibly remember everything it takes to get out the door. I also cannot possibly carry all the things. I have been working with the kids to carry their own things out the door.

Both big kids can sit on the steps to get their shoes, put on their own coats, and carry their own backpacks. They know what is theirs and with a point (following my one hand rule) they can usually collect it all and get themselves out the door.

Getting in/out of the car

We also need to get in and out of the car with some efficiency. Both kids can get to the car, take off their bags, put them in the car, and climb in the car. They then climb to their seats. I push the bags as I slide the diaper bag in and then get in and do the three buckles.

To get out, I unbuckle the big kids, point (one hand rule) to their bags, and they collect their own bag. They bring them all to “baby’s door” and I help them put them on before jumping out of the car. I then have them touch the spot (gas cap) or their wheel until they are able to hold hands and leave.

By having them know this routine has DRASTICALLY sped up the coming and going process.

Bed Routine

Bedtime can be a challenge. Doing 3 kids by yourself (and throw in a bath too!) and it can be a challenge. The set in stone, predictable routine really helps them know where to be when. Since Nolan was 18 months, we have had pretty much the same bed routine from bath to bed.

Since the routine is so predictable for the kids, I follow my one hand rule and point to where they need to be. Stella knows Nolan goes potty first. Stella can pick up her own steps up to go potty. Nolan knows to play in his bed until I am done with Stella’s teeth. We all meet in Nolan’s bed, Stella picks the book, and we all read the one book in Nolan’s bed, we say the same prayer we say every night, and then we kiss everyone goodnight. Stella goes to her room, I tuck Nolan in (one hand, I just pull covers up), tuck Stella in (one hand, I just pull covers up), go feed/finish feeding Bryce, swaddle him and his first bedtime.

Bags Packed

Having a diaper bag packed and ready to go really helps. I have a bag I leave in the car with a change of clothes and everything we could need for all 3 kids (sunscreen, bug spray, water bottles, snacks, etc) that I leave in the car. A bag for when we go somewhere we need a lot of entertainment, Church for example, that is filled with sensory toys and snacks, and then the just Bryce bag that is everything from nursing cover, clothes, diapers, and wildbird sling. Having the appropriate bags always packed and then just grab and go has sped up the process as well.

Taking Notes-Noticing Patterns

I have the BabyConnect app in which I can track feedings, diapers, sleep (and much more). This app allows me to keep track and notice trends in times Bryce is hungry, needs a diaper, and typically sleeps. Already at 2 weeks, I am able to begin seeing trends and therefore plan activities around that.

Bonding

I am working on the children bonding with each other with out too much pressure. We always ask if they want to hug or kiss. We always ask if they want to hold the baby.

We also make sure to cuddle or give one on one attention to the big kids if they should need it too. We want them to know that we are there for them and are still bonding with them even if their brother is here now.

Overall Adjustment

Like anything new, it is taking some learning curve. I am not upset if things do not go according to plan–but try to note how it would be easier next time. I give myself grace and see the failures as a learning experience.

Nolan could often care less about Bryce but isn’t showing much distress. He will kids and hug when asked and he doesn’t appear to avoid areas Bryce is in. Stella is the biggest helper always making sure he’s covered up and has a pacifier if he lets out the smallest squeak.

We are doing pretty good with a couple late starts, a couple fumbles, a couple successes. Every day we get better and learn more and every day we are getting more settled into this life–and you will too!