Careful what you wish for–this place is a zoo

I know I live in a zoo…I mean I picked this blog name for a reason.  I should have known better…I should have known better, but last night at 7:45pm I told Alex I needed to come up with something to blog about.  OMG did I open a can of worms. PS this is another don’t read if you have a weak stomach story.

Backing up a bit will make more sense.  Starting at 11am, I cleaned the entire house yesterday.  Because of potty training I had spots I had to shampoo, but to shampoo you need to vacuum, and if the vacuum is out you may as well dust…..I vacuumed every piece of carpet, I shampooed every piece of carpet, I dusted with the vacuum, I cleaned all the bathroom rugs, I vacuumed out the dryer vent and dusted the whole laundry room.  All while having to mom.  Here I am, thinking I am pretty darn awesome. The house smells great, the house looks great, the kids are living in an allergen free (thought temporary) home.  That is when I send Alex my, “I am woman hear me roar” text.

I told him my evening plans of eating dinner I had just put in the oven, finishing a few odds and ends, some Usborne Books & More work, and then I needed to think of a blog post.   I get both kids in bed, and then leave to go put the chicken in the oven.

I come back and Nolan is under his quilt.  I pull him out and slide in at the same time and realize my knee is wet.  I expected to have forgotten to put on a bedtime diaper and he had an accident, but when pulling the blanket back I realized he had vomited.  I grabbed his crib mattress I keep under our bed, covered it in towels, laid him in it and threw his bedding in the washing machine.  I go to pat his back and he vomits…on his newly shampooed floor.   He proceeds to vomit 3-4 more times.

Alex comes home, we get the chicken out of the oven, we get him to sleep, we sit downstairs to eat (its almost 9:15).  We are half way through and he starts again.  We decide to bring him in our room and eat dinner in there and let him sleep.  He proceeds to vomit a couple more times. We are close but it gets on the floor.  Room 2.  He then gets a very loose diaper.  We clean him up, change his diaper, get him to sleep.  He needs a new dose of sleep meds around 1.  Finally goes to sleep at 2.  At 2, we finally got to sleep and he was bright eyed and bushy at 6:30.  Perfectly fine, full of energy, bouncing, loud.  We still have to call him into school for the 24 hour rule.

We are playing outside in the rain in raincoats and when I went in to get something I smell poop.  BadgerDog takes off running like he’s scared.  I wander around trying to find the smell.  Both kids are clear and the dog is outside.  Maybe he had an accident.  I look, find nothing, Alex and I trade places and he looks.  Nothing.  Then, epiphany! The diaper from last night!  We threw it in the bathroom because we only have 1 genie and its in Stella’s room and we didn’t need two awake kids.

I go up to grab the diaper and throw it away to discover BadgerDog had decided to eat it.  Yup, my dog dragged the diaper onto my carpet, broke in, and was covered in it…oh and the hallway.  Yay 3 floors to rewash.

img_0668I lock the dog out and look at his stained face and legs as he begs to renter.  You stay out there buddy, maybe the rain will clean him-as my friend Ashley said, “a pre-rinse of sorts” Then re-wash my 3 floors, let the dog in, give him a bath, give Pudge a bath while I am at it.  Also, as I am writing this, I realize I have not washed my knee from the first endeavor…think that was covered in the dog wash process?

People: This is why I don’t clean. This is why I don’t wish for something to write about. This is why this place is a zoo.  I live in a zoo with beasts I created.  Careful what you do, careful what you wish for.

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