Mothers: having to do it all when you can’t do it all

The roles

of all moms:

Take care of the home, the pets, the meals, the children. Arrange schedules, get everyone where they need to be, appointments, classes/extra curricular activities, medications/supplements, paper work, bills, and more… all while trying to care for themselves: exercising, sleeping, eating, drinking water, appointments, and even fitting in some personal hygiene and emotional health.

As a stay at home mom:

roles include taking care of the home all day while the people live in it, responsible for all child care and finding child care when having their own appointments, and the primary teacher to the children until they are school age.

As a working mom:

roles include caring for the home, children, and work responsibilities. Day care pick up/drop off coordination, diaper bag packing, pumping/formula calculations, and quality time with the kids.

As a stay at home mom of a child with special needs:

roles includes doctors appointments, therapy appointments, driving, meetings, paperwork, phone calls that need to be take care of during “normal work hours,” and advocate for the child.

As a nursing mom:

roles include getting up for night feedings, stopping to feed during the day, pumping to be able to leave, cleaning pump parts, making sure the stores (and supply) stays up.

The hurdles

Time.

There never seems to be enough of it. How does one get 8 hours of sleep, work out an hour a day, drive the kids everywhere, spend 20 minutes reading with them, prepare and have a family dinner, spend time one on one with each child, spend one on one time with your partner, self care, shower, cleaning, and home repair. Yeah, there isnt enough hours in a day for that.

Illness.

Mom’s don’t get sick days. Some moms suffer from chronic issues (I myself with migraines). Moms need to keep on momming through the illness.

Choices and Information.

There are so many choices in how you want to parent. There are so many choices in how you want to live. Everything from organic food or not? Do you cut sugar? Bed share? How green are your cleaning products? What about your body products? Homeschool, public school, private school? How long should your child rear face. Baby led weaning or baby food? The list goes on. There are millions and millions of choices and so much information on everything. Yes, know better do better, but that doesn’t make the research, choices, etc any less on a mother’s mind-nor does the fear of judgement for those choices go away.

Mom brain.

Mom brain is real. Really really real. I have managed to forget to take Stella to dance and one of Nolan’s monthly progress reviews….just in February.

Sleep deprivation.

Children are not great sleepers. They either take forever to go to bed, don’t sleep through the night, or are early risers. If you were lucky enough to get one of those unicorns that go to bed well, sleep through, and sleep in, there is still illness, worry, and trying to fit all the above mentioned things in the night in. Sleep deprivation messes with the mind. Like can seriously mess with your thinking, reaction time, and more.

Differences.

As soon as you think you figure out the parenting, your next child is different. When you think you know how to parent, you get a diagnosis, discover a learning difference, or are confronted with some other differences.

The results

The many roles met with the many hurdles leave many women, myself included, with depression, anxiety, and a feeling of incompetence. Women struggle with identity, they struggle with success, they struggle with feelings of failure in their inability to do it all.

Woman are strong and women can do great things. Women are powerful and more than capable. BUT women can break. Women can feel the pressure to be perfect, to do it all, and like they were not are not good enough if they cannot do it all… (and NEWSFLASH, they can’t). Women are their worst critic.

Steps we can take

Find a village

Find a village that supports you. Find a village that lifts you up instead of brings you down. This can be physical friends, online friends, your spouse, or family.

Woman need to know they don’t need to do it all. They need to know they can’t do it all. Woman need that village mentioned in the African proverb. Woman need to stop asking the question of “how can I do it all” and change it to “how can I do my best today.” A village can support you through this and remind you of all of it.

Eliminate the negative

You need to eliminate the negative from your life. If you are on social media and a profile makes you feel bad, eliminate it. (I am saying UNFOLLOW, do not try to change them or say negative things to them, just eliminate them from your feed).

If people make you feel bad about yourself and your choices eliminate them from your life.

Eliminate the negative thinking from your life. You are woman hear you roar. Will you be successful all the time? No. Will you be perfect? No. Will you be able to do it all? No. BUT that does not make you less of a woman, mom, or person. It makes you a person. Stop telling yourself you are not good enough, because it is not true.

Brain dump. Take all of your worries and negative thoughts and dump them in a journal or on a piece of paper. Dump all those feelings out and do not carry them with you.

Organize yourself

I personally use my daily block scheduling sheets. It is a lot of areas in my life in one place. Organizing myself helps me keep MOST my life in order.

In addition to these sheets, we have a giant wall calendar, and synced digital calendars between my husband and I.

Organize your home/ minimize

Less stuff means less to care for, clean up, and maintain. If you have organizational systems in place or work on minimizing your stuff, you can can also organize and minimize your stress and need to do.

Streamlining & Simplifying

Accept help. Take advantage of conveniences available to you. Do grocery pick up/delivery, get a robot vacuum, get subscription services on basics (Amazon subscribe and save, Hello Bello Diapers, Chewy Boxes, Meal kit services) or take the recommendations of your friends and bloggers to help simplify. There are many services and products available to help your life be easier.

No sugar coating it

There is no sugar coating it, being a mom is hard. Woman feel they need to do it all and social media exemplifies this with the world of comparison. Remember, you cannot do it all, but you can for sure do your best–and your best is all your kids want from you.

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