Baby, I’m missing you

pE97oSTZQQ+bq9nFRnIPDgNolan has been making slow but steady progress.  As proud as I am of him, I miss him.

At the end of a 7.5 hour day he needs down time, he needs to rest, he wants his iPad.  I try to give him that time.   His little brain needs that break-that down time.  Yours does after work, his should, too!  Then it is dinner, bath, bed time routine, and he’s gone for another day.  I go to bed and realize we had no real interaction that day.  I met his needs, yes.  But I didn’t work on our relationship.

Though I can see the progress on paper daily sheets, in progress review meetings, and in person, I feel like I am getting to know him less and less.  I don’t see what he does all day and when he is at home he struggles to find something to do without a lot of direct instruction.

Any time I tell someone I am a stay at home mom, they say “good for you!”  Or “Its so good you can spend that time with them” or even “Thats good!  Its good for the kids to be home with mom.” It breaks my heart I am sending my little 3 year old guy–he’s still considered a toddler–away.  He is gone from his mom for 7+  hours and it is not because I am gone.  Just he is.

This center based ABA therapy is a blessing, it really is.  I saw him for 6 months in home therapy and now I see him for only 3.5 in center based and there is a drastic difference.  He needs this and I know he needs this.  I know it is what is best for him and I am being the best mom I can be by doing what is best for him.

I thought missing him would get easier, that “Nolan’s in school” would feel normal/natural.   It doesn’t.  BUT then people come over who haven’t seen him in a while and they comment on all the progress he has made and it does feel worth it.  All of my missing him, pain, and sadness is worth it to see him thrive.   The thriving, the milestones, and his happiness are totally worth it.

Easy: No
Worth it: Yes

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