Early childhood ending is terrifying…

Our end of early childhood is terrifying. Taking Nolan’s last day of school photo brought tears to my eyes. Yes, part of it was because he had his first black eye and that was sad, but it was also because this phase of his life is over–and a big, challenging one is ahead.

Nolan definitely grew this year. He’s taller and older looking. He attended an integrated preschool where he learned how to be a part of a classroom and follow routine. His teachers learned how he learns best and worked with us to get that all in an IEP. He is doing well.

That being said, we cannot give the same report his peers parents can. We don’t have a report on how high he can count, if he knows his letters, if he can read, if he can find his name in print. It’s totally possible its all in there and he can do all those things, but with his struggle in communication, we cannot know for sure.

The difference

The difference between the early childhood programs Nolan has been a part of and the programs that are coming up are the expectations/goals.

In the early childhood programs, it is all about Nolan. It is Nolan growing more as Nolan. He is learning self help skills, ways to learn, ways to meet and maintain his sensory needs, ways to communicate, and the teachers are learning what helps Nolan learn best and then expanding on that. I feel it was a great program that helped Nolan learn a lot of skills that also helped formulate an IEP (Individual Education Plan) that will help him have the tools, people, and supports he need to be successful.

That being said, I taught 4k. I know what the end of year goals are. I know the script for the literacy assessment he’s going to take by heart. His IEP will be a critical document to help him through school and still grow a ton out of it, but this coming year will be more about using the IEP to help him in the regular classroom. It isn’t about learning and making that IEP anymore (though the teachers will for sure modify and note what to put in it at renewal time).

The feelings

If I had to summarize the feelings about the situation, I would say it is scary and heartbreaking to stop looking at your child vs your child and open it to your child vs the standards.

It is terrifying to go from learning how to help your child learn to having to use that tool and this culmination of work to go through the challenges of school.

No parent wants to see their child struggle. No parent wants to hear their child is not equal with their peers. Is it 100% possible he could? Yes. Is it terrifying that we have no idea? Yes. Are we trying to maintain our expectations and understanding our parent teacher conferences will look nothing like our peers? Yes.

Mama Bear

I leave this school year with the most mama bear attitude. I am so afraid of my child’s happiness struggling. I want to protect him. I want his love of life, joy, and smiles to continue every day. I want him to know success and pride in himself. I want him to see himself in the same light I see him. I want to protect him from all the negativity, struggles, etc that could come. I know I cannot do any more and that the therapies and early childhood we have already done have set him up the best we can, but it will not take away the fear.